Dearest Randy

I've set this blog post to appear at 12 midnight on the first day of 2013.  It's currently a week before the new year is to be welcomed, and I wanted to look back at the relationship that Randy and I have been keeping strong for a good 5 years and 3 months.  However, the past few months have been challenging .  A definite test of our relationship . . .  and yet, a bigger understanding of how much I love this person.  

It's crazy to think about the person I was five years ago.  Without a doubt, I was different.  Of course, you learn as you grow.  Through Randy- I have discovered a lot about myself.  At times, you wonder if you lose your identity with the relationship you're a part of.  It's normal to question.  People begin to associate who you are with the person you're dating.  As I look back, it's true.  I was influenced and even more so, I was infatuated.

I've discovered two things throughout the course of this relationship:

I.  I am selfish

II.  He is self-less.

The ability for me to see this difference opened my eyes completely.  I began to understand the ways in which I was inhibiting my understanding of what it meant to love unconditionally.  "Meet my needs, and we're good."  This was the mentality of 16-20 year old Nikki.  Selfish, right?  However, the past two years have been the "transitional" phase:  I am still learning to manage my expectations and meet his.

There's no real reason as to why I decided to blog about my relationship with Randy- other than, it's another year. . .and it's another year which I hope to show how much I appreciate who he was and the person he has become.  We're different and alike in so many ways, it's freaky.  We have a tendency to clash and then find a way to balance each other out.  "Depth over distance."